Teens Say "Yes" to Valentine, "No" to Sex
The Comet Newspaper
February 22, 2004

Yes in order for them to achieve their set goals, and not be at risk of contracting HIV/AIDS/STIs, teenagers can say "No" to sex. This is the theme for this year's Valentine's Day which was organized by Action health Incorporated (AHI), a three-in-one affair: a rally, programme in schools and centre based programme. Omolara Akintoye was there.

All over the world, valentine's day (February 14) is meant to be lovers day, but for teenagers, they can show love to their friends by saying "No" to sex so as not to jeopardize their future. Early in the morning on that fateful day, teenagers and youths took to the street from AHI centre situated at Jibowu, Lagos.

One of their songs was "Early sex can ruin your future, it can kill you, please avoid it by saying "No" to your partner. It can kill because, your life is at risk when you contract HIV/AIDS, hence be careful".

Some of the inscription on the placards read "AIDS is real", Early sex can ruin your life", "Say 'No' to sex and save your future", etc.

AHI also organized a special Valentine's Day programme for some secondary schools in Lagos.

One of such schools is Fazil-Omar Senior Secondary School, Iwaya, Lagos.

The interactive session was an opportunity for the pupils to express their views about love. A drama acted by the students tells the story of a girl, whose boyfriend has been pressurizing her to have sex. Should Monica go ahead and have sex with her boyfriend considering the implications?

If it were you, what would you do?

Some of the students gave the following answers: Monica should not have sex now because:
Early sex is bad and can lead to pregnancy
In order not to contract HIV/AIDS/STIs
In order not to lose her dignity
For the students to say "No" effectively according to Miss Evelyn Ngoli, the facilitator, the following factors should be considered: Decision making; this involves making decision about abstinence, determination and commitment to the decision and carrying out the decision.

Communication: this involves being able to communicate one's decision assertively, especially in sexual situations. It also requires talking to one's partner about sexual limits and being able to reach a compromise to achieve mutual understanding and cooperation. She warned the students to always talk to their partners to refrain from sex.

The time of experience sharing afforded the student an opportunity to share their experience and find the lasting solution to it.

Chioma Okoro narrated her ordeal the day she went to visit her friend (Chika) but was surprised to meet Chika on her boyfriend's lap. Chioma was shocked and ever since has been avoiding Chika. How can Chioma save her friend's future without joining her in such act?

One of the answers given was that Chioma should invite Chika to her house and warn her about the danger inherent in having an early sex, encourage her to desist from such act and face her studies for now.

Saying "No" effectively might be difficult, but the following guidelines may help to say 'No' effectively.

Use and repeat the word 'No" often; say a strong non-verbal "No" with your body language e.g. use hand and body gesture to emphasize the point;
Project a strong business-like tone voice
Look directly at the person's face and maintain eye contact;
Avoid sending mixed signals, stand straight and tall and use facial expression to say "No".

Valentine's Day at Action Health Incorporated (AHI) is an event which will remain evergreen in the minds of the teenagers.

Most of the discussions centred around abstinence and being assertive. Kanyinsola Oluwabusola (Assistant Programme Officer AHI) explained that as teenagers who intend to pursue their academic career, it is better to abstain from sex for numerous reasons.

Such reasons include a 100 percent guarantee against unwanted pregnancy, STIs, HIV/AIDS. These she said will promote respect and integrity between partners, ensuring the attainment of life goals, promoting peace of mind and mutual understanding between partners.

The pressure lines which a teenagers encounters include: Boys say to girls: "come on everyone is doing it", "if you won't have sex with me, I won't see you any more", "if you get pregnant, I will marry you".

Girls say to boys: "come on, take a drink, it will get you in the mood", "Prove to me that you are a man".

She however warned on the implications of any negative steps which they might want to take.

Identifying goals and working towards achieving them ensure the realization of a positive vision for a successful and healthy future. To abstain successfully from sex, the following steps were given: Dress decently, saying "No' is more than talking, avoid peer pressure, don't expose yourself to negative information, avoid frequent visit to his house, communicate your feelings without violating each other's right.

To negotiate abstinence with a partner, four steps were recommended called SWAT technique!
"S" stands for "Say no effectively"
"W" stands for "Why" - Give clear reasons for not engaging in sexual behaviour.
"A" stands for Alternative - suggest an alternative action or something else you might think is safe.
"T" stands for "Talk it out - discuss your feeling about the behaviour"

AHI Drama Troupe acted a drama entitled "You can say "No" to sex". The students of Lagos City College rendered a song titled: The Rights of a Child to Education. Other side attractions were riddles, jokes, songs and cutting of the Valentine's Day cake by a representative of each school in attendance.

A total of 1,000 young people attended the event.