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Why I chose to write this story I do not know. Perhaps, it is because I hope to find consolation in the thought that someone would read it and learn from my story; on the other hand, maybe I am just trying to find some relief by sharing my story with you.
I grew up in a very nice family, with two wonderful brothers and sisters. Unlike many of my peers who make the mistake I made, I was not from a broken home and both parents were alive and healthy. I had all I wanted; I was in a good school and was doing well in my studies. Many people referred to me as a high flyer. My father was my mentor (still is), and we both shared a very good relationship. During my first year in the
senior secondary school, I was made the class prefect, and was quite involved in various academic activities in school. This further spurred me on to do well in my academics and I became a bookworm. I remember all too well the day this all changed.
It was a Tuesday morning and as usual we were settled down in class to begin our lessons for the day. Our class teacher whom we simply referred to as “Strict” because of her harsh nature walked into the class with the most gorgeous looking boy I had ever set my eyes on. He was half-caste and looked so good that for a moment I felt that he was not real. “Strict” introduced the boy as James and said that he was a new student and was going to be joining our class. I later on found out that he was from England and had come to Nigeria because his father, who is Nigerian, got a new job here.
My initial reaction to James shocked me; perhaps, it’s because I had never really been attracted to anyone like I was to him. Yes, I had had a few crushes but this was quite different. Anytime I walked past him, I would feel my palms sweat and my heartbeat almost double. I felt silly and I was really bothered because I kept on thinking that I would make a fool of myself. I decided to avoid him, but being the class prefect made this practically impossible. Then came the day when a guy in my class walked up to me and said that James had asked him to give me a letter. It was a love letter. The first I had ever received. I was thrilled to know that James liked me. I had even thought that he did not notice that I existed! Thus, when James asked me to meet him behind the school hall, I agreed. The school hall happens to be in the undeveloped site of the school and is the only building located on that site. There, James declared his love for me and told me that he wanted me to be his girlfriend. I agreed. It was as if I was a different person, as I gazed into his eyes and saw all the love in them.
As our relationship grew, I noticed some mannerisms in James, which I did not quite like. I realized that he bullied the junior students and was rude to many of our teachers. I however attributed his behaviour to a change in the environment and decided to sweep the issue under the carpet. My relationship with James blossomed and at the end of the session, we received the Hottest Couple award. However, my report card for that session showed that my grades had dropped considerably and I was not doing as well as I used to. My father was quite disturbed and asked me what the problem was. I knew what it was, but I could not tell him. My relationship with James was getting more and more intimate and I spent most of the day thinking about him. I could hardly concentrate on my studies. However, James and I had talked about sex and had set limits within our relationship. I had told him that I never wanted to have sex until I got married and he seemed to agree. After school resumed for the new session, my relationship with James seemed to wane.
We had our first fight and I decided to break up with him. This however became impossible when he came back to beg and ask me to forgive him. I did and it seemed as if he had truly changed for the better. A few weeks after this, James invited me to a party. A friend of his was traveling abroad and there was to be a send-off party in his honour. I knew that my parents would not want me to go for the party because it was a night party. However, I did not want to displease James because of the fight we had. Thus, I lied to my parents that the JETS club of my school had a competition in another school and that I and the other girl who was also to represent the school, had decided to study overnight at her place to enable us familiarize ourselves with some of the likely questions we would be asked. My parents had no cause to disbelieve me and they gave me the go ahead to sleep at my friend’s place.
I felt quite guilty as I met James at the venue of the party that night. I wondered what my parents would do if they found out that I was with a guy at a night party. However, I was convinced that they would never find out so I decided to have fun. There were many people at the party, and they all looked much more older than I did. They also looked very experienced. There was alcohol everywhere and guys as well as girls were smoking different brands of cigarettes. I started to feel uncomfortable when I noticed some guys and girls petting heavily. The picture of the party James painted was quite different from the one I saw that night. I sat down in a corner and watched as people danced and smoked. James was also part of those smoking and drinking, in fact, there was a girl sitting on his lap and whispering into his ear. Tears welled up in my eyes as I watched the scene.
I decided to take my leave and go back home. When James saw me leaving, he rushed to my side and asked me where I thought I was going. He said that I was not leaving and that if I tried to he would stop me. I was surprised at the way he talked; however to prove his point, he lifted me off the floor carrying me away from the others. By this time, I was crying with my arms flailing in the air. Everyone seemed oblivious to what was going on. Perhaps, it was because most of them were drunk. James carried me up the stairs into a dark room and dropped me on the bed. He then removed the jersey he had on. Suddenly, I realized what he was trying to do and I started screaming and crying for help. When no one came to my rescue, I started begging him, but he just laughed and pushed me hard unto the bed. He tore at my clothes and slapped me when I tried to resist. There and then, James raped me. The memory I have of that incident is so painful, that it is still like a dream to me. The same James who had whispered sweet words into my ears turned into a maniac right before my eyes.
After the incident, James just left me all alone in the room. It seemed as if everyone in the party had gone to sleep and so I waited until the early hours of the morning before going home. When I got home, my parents and siblings were still getting ready for the day. They were all shocked to see me and knew that something had gone wrong. I could not tell them anything; I just collapsed into my father’s arms and cried as if my world had come to an end. After much persuasion, I told my family members all that had happened. Everyone, including my father cried. However, one thing I am grateful to my family for till today is that none of them shouted at me or blamed me for the incident. However, I could have avoided this if I had heeded and not gone to the party without my parents’ approval.
Two weeks after the incident, I returned to school. Every thing still looked the same, from the school garden to the lines of students in the school canteen. However, a lot had changed inside of me. Something died inside me the day I was raped, something that I knew I could never get back. I saw James several times before we wrote our final exams but then we had both developed a mutual hatred for each other and avoided each other as much as possible. Many times, I felt like killing him or just inflicting the same pain he had inflicted on me, but it was impossible. However, I have
learned from my experience. I have learned never to trust any one again, no matter how much I may think the person loved me. I have
learned to always trust my instincts. I have learned to always stand for what I know is right and to never compromise no matter who may be involved.
Name
Withheld
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