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I woke up with a start, from the noise of the alarm clock. Out of
annoyance, I switched off the frustrating noise. I tried to go back to
sleep, but suddenly I remembered I was to start summer school that day.
Hurriedly I got myself ready, not wanting to further annoy my father who
was already aggravated because I had already lost a week from the date
of resumption.
On my way to school, I was nervous, not sure of the kind of people I
would meet. It was my first time at summer school. I am the shy type
that feels inferior in a place I am not used to. This reminds me of
those days when I always felt shy at the parties of my sister's friends.
Finally the bus I boarded stopped at my destination, I entered the
building and headed for the principal's office. After signing, filling
and stamping all the requirements to be a full student, I was shown to
my class. My palm, sweaty as I opened the door, all kinds of faces
looked up at me, my gaze swept the room and I noticed this guy that
looked so perfect. He was dark skinned, and was obviously tall, even
while seated. He has a particularly attractive way of holding his biro.
A tap brought me back, I looked up and the teacher showed me my seat. I
heard later from the girls that his name was Roland (not real name).
After seeing this guy, I knew my sole reason for being punctual and
serious at lessons was because of Roland. I changed drastically, I wore
new hair styles and clothes everyday. I was no more the quiet and shy
girl. I had metamorphosed into a lousy and "hard" person. I
even tried smoking. I eventually gave up the habit because I choked on
each drag. It was simply not my style. However, I tried my best to be
"hard".
All this I did to get the attention of Roland because he struck me like
the kind of guy that didn't go for quiet and shy girls like me. I even
went to the extent of intentionally dropping my books while he was
coming back from the library so that he could pick them up and introduce
himself. But he looked at me with disgust and he walked past me. I was
stunned, I thought maybe I was too ugly for him.
Rather than deter me, this rejection made me try even harder. Yet, I
discovered that despite all I did he never really noticed me as a
person. This frustrated me further. I started feeling dejected and
rejected. Everything I did seemed to fail, since I was not able to get
the only person I wanted in my whole life.
My sister noticed the change in me and this irritated her. When she
couldn't tolerate me any further, she called me and asked me what the
matter was. At first I acted dumb, but poured out everything
reluctantly, since my sister insisted I told her everything, that she
wasn't naïve.
She laughed and told me I was at the stage where I will experience
teenage infatuations, and that in some exceptional cases it becomes
reality, so she doesn't know to which category I belonged. Anyway, she
said, I was going all about it in a wrong way, that changing my ways all
because of a boy, was not the right way, that a boy who does not like me
for who and what I was, was definitely not the boy for me.
I thought over what she said, and it was then I realised I was now
really a changed person. I looked at the dress I wore and was angry at
myself. Right there, I decided to become my old self again, at least not
getting Roland was not the end of everything.
Weeks after heeding my sister's advice, I worked very hard to get Roland
out of my system. I didn't find it difficult because he was now moved to
the second class in SS 2. At first I was disappointed but I knew it was
for the best, at least I wouldn't be seeing him for a while except
during break time when we had to go out.
Engrossed in the assignment I was recopying in the conference room, I
heard someone call my name I looked up. At first I thought I was
dreaming, I pinched myself to make sure it was true. Standing before me
was Roland the boy of my dreams. I was shocked. For some minutes I
stared at him and could not talk. I continued to stare at him, and when
he smiled, my heart leapt for joy. I smiled back at him and he stretched
his hands towards me. I placed mine in his and we both walked out of the
conference room.
We talked for some time and sat down on the chair under the tree in the
part just behind the school. He told me he came to get me in the
conference room after school knowing I had spent a long time there. I
was happy because that meant he had been waiting for me. He told me I
had changed a good deal, that he loved the new me. I also learnt from
him that he was a shy guy, and had been dreaming of the day he was going
to walk up to me.
Also we are attracted to each other and date regularly, we have not gone
beyond that stage, because we both know we are not ready. We still have
a lot of years ahead of us. What's important is that I now have the only
person I have always wanted to be with me.
There are many teenagers and even older people like me who did and are
still doing what I did to get the attention of guys. In my case, I found
out I was only hurting myself. If you do this, it is not worth it,
because, according to my sister, "A boy that does not love you for
who you are and what you are and what you are going to become is
definitely not the boy for you."
Contributed
by Uche Osanebi
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