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Peer Relationships
Friendships are important throughout life. It is especially important for adolescents because teens feel their friends are the only ones who understand them and so want to always be with them. Peer group relationships tend to be more open and intense, and young people can benefit from interacting with many friends. This is because teens can share emotions and experiences, their fears and frustrations, and their goals and dreams. This sharing helps teens to realize they are not alone and have similar challenges as their friends. This appreciation can lead to lifelong friendships, though not always.
Have you noticed that many teens would do almost anything to belong in a group? Acceptance by and membership of a group is of great importance to young people, and can lead many teens to charge their behaviour in order to conform to the group "codes". This can be very traumatic for some teens, especially if the group's behaviour conflicts with the teen's values. It is therefore very important for teens to develop a strong sense of self, and be able to deal with peer group pressure, so their values will not be compromised. Many teens who compromise their values in order to belong to a group usually aren’t happy about their
decision.
Qualities of a good friendship
The following qualities are required to establish positive relationships with friends:
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Honesty
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Equality
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Respect
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Humor
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Acceptance
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Consistency
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Understanding
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Sincerity
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Sharing
Dealing with peer pressure
We noted earlier that the desire to belong in a group could cause some teens to change their behaviour to conform to the group’s standard. This behaviour change can both be positive or negative. Negative pressure could be having to start smoking to belong in a group. Positive pressure could be responsible sexual behaviour, such as using protection during sex or faithfulness to one partner. What’s important is that you should not allow yourself to be pressured into doing what you are not comfortable with. If you have to do something you don’t want to in order to be accepted in a group, then you should not be in the group at
all!
Dealing with situations like this requires some skills. These include:
Assertiveness. Communicate your feelings/views about any issue clearly and repeatedly.
Self-esteem. Develop a positive self-worth about yourself. With this, you will not be easily pressured into doing something you don’t want to
do.
Consistency. By this we mean standing by what you believe in and being steadfast. If you are not consistent, you send mixed messages to your friends and they will not take you seriously.
Take Action. There is a popular saying that "action speaks louder than words." Back your words with action. If you say you don’t like something and will take some action if such behaviour is repeated, then do what you say you will when that behaviour is
repeated.
Click on the following links to read articles about peer group friendships.
Coping in a Demanding Relationship
Facing the Challenges of Adolescence
Coping With Sexual Pressures
Relationships With Society
Since we live in a world with numerous other people, we are bound to interact with other members of the society outside our family, such as people at school, parks, recreation clubs, places of worship, etc. These relationships can be rewarding, but because these are not people we know well, we need to pursue them with caution, until we are sure the people can be trusted. Here are some things to keep in mind as you relate with people outside your immediate family.
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Visitors, including family members, close friends, or strangers, visit the home, but not all visitors are to be trusted.
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Some people we meet at airports, railway stations, crowded buses and other public places may have ulterior motives. Never trust a stranger.
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It is better if you do not accept gifts (e.g. ice cream, sweet/candy), especially from strangers. Not all gifts are without obligations, even from people we know. It is always better not to seek favours.
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Young people may be influenced positively or negatively by members of their class, teachers, and other children in school. Learn to distinguish positive from negative influences.
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It is better for you to tell your parents or guardian about new friends you make.
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Other people such as friends, neighbours, teachers, family members, or strangers, do not have the right to touch your genitals or sexual organs. You should report to your parents if your genitals are touched by anybody.
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Bosses and colleagues at work may have desires and expectations from us that extend beyond the requirements of our schedule of duty. Learn to recognize such situations.
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Relationships with other members of the society require cordiality and politeness, but this should not lead to exploitation.
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