Q
What exactly does “having sex” include?

“Having sex” can mean many things. It can refer to intimacy or closeness between a man and a woman, between two men or between two women. “Having sex” doesn’t just mean when a man’s penis enters a woman’s vagina.

Q
Does sexual intercourse hurt the first time?

First time sex can be painful for girls, as the penis entering the vagina can stretch or tear the hymen (the thin layer of skin that partially covers the entrance to the vagina). Not all girls have hymens (they may have been born without one or may have broken it through sport or inserting tampons earlier in life) but if they do and it tears, a girl may bleed a little. She may also find this bleeding continues the next few times she has sex, although once the tear has healed, she shouldn’t have any further problems. Being nervous and tense the first time can mean a girl does not produce enough natural lubrication to allow easy penetration. Nerves can also cause the muscles in a girl’s vagina to tense up, making penetration difficult. Both of these problems can make sex more painful.

Q
Is there a “safe time” to have sexual intercourse?

There is no safe time to have unprotected sex if you wish to avoid pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections. STIs can be transmitted whenever an infected person has sex with an uninfected person, and pregnancy is always a possibility, even during a girl’s period. Although women are generally only fertile for a few days every month (usually around the middle of the menstrual cycle), most women have no definite way of knowing when this is. Sperm can also survive inside the body for several days, meaning a woman can potentially become pregnant over quite a long period of time. If she has irregular periods, “safe” days can be particularly difficult to predict. Some couples do use the so-called ‘rhythm’ method as a form of contraception, but the success rate is not high, and it also offers no protection from STIs.

Q
What is vaginal, oral and anal sex?

Vaginal sex usually means having a man’s penis placed inside a woman’s vagina. Oral sex means one person placing his or her mouth on another person’s genitals (penis, vagina or anus). Anal sex is usually when a man’s penis is placed inside someone else’s anus.

Q
How old should one be before starting to have sex? Should you wait till you’re married? Is it OK to have sex if you’re really in love, even though you’re not married? Are teenagers mature enough to handle sex? Why do people make sex such a big deal– if two people want to have sex, why shouldn’t they just go ahead and do it?

Though you have expressed your questions in many ways, they’re all about the same thing– when is the right time to have sex? You however are the best person to answer the question! Some people feel it’s OK for two people to have sex with each other as long as they’re both adults or have reached a certain age. For most people however, sex is not about age. For instance, many people feel that you shouldn’t have sex until you’re married regardless of your age. People hold this view for a variety of reasons: religious belief, afraid of pregnancy or an STD. So you see, the choice is up to you. You alone will decide what you will do, and your decision will be based on your values and beliefs…those things that matter to you.

Q
What is safe sex?

Safer sex means sexual contact that does not involve any blood, semen or vaginal fluids being passed between partners. We say safer sex rather than safe sex because sex can’t be guaranteed 100% safe. The best way to have safe sex is to be in a relationship where neither of you has sex outside that relationship and where you are both free of any sexually transmitted infections (STIs), and you use contraception if you do not want to become pregnant. Some people say the only form of safe sex is to abstain totally (not have sex at all). Even when using condoms for protection, some STIs such as genital warts and genital herpes can be passed on because the condom does not always cover the affected area.